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  • The Gift of Our Dark Side

    Posted November 12, 2011 By in Blog With | No Comments connectingwithourshadowselves

    Guest Post by Davina MacKail

    How do we manage to develop a dark side after landing on this planet in all our abundant glory?

    Watch any toddler. They can be happy, angry, sad, and giggling all in the space of a few minutes.  They don’t hold on to, or repress their feelings. They fully express themselves in the moment.  They exude 360 degrees of radiance.

    Then the trouble starts!

    As we grow, we get socialised into our cultural karma. We’re taught by our parents, teachers, neighbours and peers, the “right” way to behave.  We learn by direct communication and indirect influences, the differences between right and wrong – as imposed by our culture.

    Such messages as “boys don’t cry” or “good girls sit with their legs crossed,” become ingrained into our malleable young minds until they become part of how we are.  We learn quickly that certain behaviours get rewarded – and others get punished.  There will always be a small majority of escapees; the rebel drop outs and anarchists amongst us. But the majority of us opt for the easy life of reward for good behaviour.

    But those hidden aspects of ourselves don’t just disappear. They simply get tucked away, deep inside – repressed – or at least unexpressed. We’d be lying if we denied experiencing those emotions and feelings we may not publicly admit to; jealousy, anger, fear, vulnerability, guilt, shame – and a myriad others.

    Instead, these unacknowledged aspects show up in our external environment. The handy thing about living in a holographic universe is you get to see all of yourself mirrored constantly in everything around you.  This is especially true of our relationships; in particular those closest to us, and certainly in those who annoy us, or who we deem to be our enemies.

    Shadow relationships are instantly recognisable; even if we don’t always understand the reflected messages. They’re the ones who produce an excessive energetic reaction. The ones who make you feel out of control as your internal feelings conflict with your need to be well behaved.  Your cultured mind argues that you have no right to your negative emotions, but the churning in your stomach says otherwise.

    We don’t understand these emotions, and feel “bad” about having them; especially when the person isn’t really doing anything “wrong”. It’s just that their very existence irritates us.  As a result of our reward and punishment cultural conditioning, we tend to blame the person who’s “pushing our buttons.” It’s “their fault!” We’re just minding our own business!

    It’s an insidious plot – although it looks plausible.  Friends and family will offer their support.  People will take sides, and inflamed emotions will escalate; robbing us of our energy and creative power.

    Yet that person who’s irritating us is a huge gift. They are kindly mirroring aspects of ourselves that we’ve disowned or made unconscious. To paraphrase master psychologist Carl Jung, “Until we bring the unconscious – conscious – it will rule our lives and we will continue to call it fate”.

    By recognising and owning for ourselves the behaviours we see reflected in others, we experience the truth that there is no other and nothing goes one way.  This releases us to be more fully realised within our authentic selves.  Only then can we regain our creative energy and power and live the lives we were born to live.

    For full details of Davina’s One-Day Workshop on 19th November – please click HERE

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